im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you had me at cake vodka
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
