Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
