let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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