Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
