Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
