Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
