I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
