Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
