dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
