It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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