So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
