i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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