He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
