So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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