Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
