Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So many bounce houses so little time
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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