You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is Oprah even human
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize