Umm I'm too high to move.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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