i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
