before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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