And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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