how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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