I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
