If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
