Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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