Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
