She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
