My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
