I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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