The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
