i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i love accidental penises.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
