I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
