So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
