My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Randomize
