You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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