I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
