do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
