i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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