Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
