I will die if light touches me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
