tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
