The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
