will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
