I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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