you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
