Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
