We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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