what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
