you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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