if i can run in heels then i can drive
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
