I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
