My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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