billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says