oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
