last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten