He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
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I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?