You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work