i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.