oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget