Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize