Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize