Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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