i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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