my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
