I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
