just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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