I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
