I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
