god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
