I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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