He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
