mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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